This is the story. Saying I need help is harder than I thought, but at least now I think about it.
It used to be that I thought I had to do it without help. And if I couldn’t, if I needed help, I was weak in some way.
My upbringing influenced this. I saw some things I wish I didn’t, because since I saw a woman I loved get hurt because she felt she couldn’t be enough alone it made me never want to place myself in a situation where I would have those feelings.
Marriage didn’t change that… at least not right away. What has happened is that my husband was wearing me down.
He was so good at being caring, wanting to ensure I was ok, we were ok. Over time it was hard to hold on to all the reasons I told myself I had to do whatever it is I thought I needed to do alone. I wanted us to work not just in the now but in the long term. But… for that to be true, I had to let him help me just as much as I wanted to help him. Even if that help looked different.
Also, I had to let go of competing with him where helping each other was concerned. Because that was my alternative. Ok, he can help me if I can find a way to help him back so the balance would be maintained. I was keeping score of who was helping who more. It was sucking the joy out of my life trying to keep up. Over time it was not sustainable. I needed to change my perspective. My belief about always having equal assistance or jobs within our partnership had to change because it would break down. Or I would.
This was worse if I need money, by the way…. Still is.
I literally have to council myself I. The moment I have to ask that question I start second guessing myself, anxiety increases. It sometimes takes days for me to verbalize my need to my husband. Who is more than willing to help. Sigh. Even now this question psychs me out.
But the wife I want to be in our relationship requires me to work this out. So both of us can build something where one plus one equals three or more.
Can you help me?
Do you have trouble accepting help too?
What do you do that works?