Knowing what you want will make all the difference I tell you. All the difference.
Recently my kid came by my workplace and as usual he wanted to stay and play for a while. Now usually there is someone he loves spending time. They have a lot of fun together and she dotes on him and allows him to play and enjoy himself for the short time he visits on these days. But on that day she was not there. He cried when I told him he couldn't stay and so he left. My boss asked me why didn't I allow him to stay and I told her I wouldn't be able to focus on my work if I did. She didn't seem in agreement but there was nothing she could do about it anyway.
Later, another coworker mentioned that she didn't get to play with him either. And I told her the same thing.
Before that day a customer had seen him at the store when he was being collected once and he was in tears as he didn't want to leave his playmate and when my husband asked me if I would allow him to stay I said no. He understood and he took him. Hollering and all.
Now people, I get it. You have your own perception of how things should happen where kids being raised are concerned. I do too. But when it comes to my work and my child, if I can help it, there is a separation.
My work takes me operating in a very precise and deliberate way and even without the distraction of my child in my space it takes effort to execute properly. Now, my child deserves in my opinion, to have as much of my attention as I can give to him when he is in my presence. The thing is, I am not willing to do both things at the same time unless I have no alternative. And generally I do have a choice, so the two shall remain separate. When his friend is there she takes care of looking out for him in the short time he visits on these days, but otherwise there is no one available to do the same. And mommy dearest is busy doing the work I am being paid to do. I wouldn't do them both well in any case.
I have been doing my best to not multi-task these last years as the effort it takes to switch from one task to the other is reducing my effectiveness. Now, I know this isn't what anyone wants to hear, but I would really rather complete one task successfully than have several in varying stages of undoneness. If my child were to stay at work with me without assistance I would be torn between keeping him safely occupied and performing my duties. One would get shafted and more than likely it would be him. Because in the work place I am practiced to do work. With him there I would not always remember that I have the additional responsibility and he would not have my time nor attention and he being the active child that he is, he would probably get more of my frustration than he should.
Seeing the potential for this to unfold in a most regrettable fashion my decision to have him leave, crying or not, is my way of keeping my sanity in tact. That is what I want and that is why I did what I did.
Realizing what I wanted made it so clear what I needed to do. Needing to be be understood is secondary. Needing to be liked, not even a question. I needed to be peaceful. And clarity around what I needed gave that to me.
This whole story was to explain the power of clarity. It was spoken of before the my 'James Clear clarity' post, but this should give more context... I hope.
I needed to flesh this out for myself I suppose. Plus, I just suck on clarity in so many other things in my life right now I can understand why my sleep is disturbed. And now I know what I can work on ( as if I need another thing, but here we are), establishing clarity.
My sanity and peace around that decision is unmoved.