A rising frustration is noticed in me when I see that someone is sitting down when there is work to be done. This feeling is at times so strong that I have to walk away to remind myself to stay calm and not react negatively to it. What I really want to do is to say some harsh words to the person. But as I put these thoughts in writing, I am confronted with the question of why?
Why should this bother me so greatly?
Is it that I believe that they are lazy? Or... that I am lazy?
Do I need more rest, help or relaxation? And are they are showing me what I won't allow myself to have?
What is it that I am not doing or who am I not being in my own life that watching others take a break, even amid work still to be done, that causes me to feel or think unkind thoughts of them?
It maybe one or even more of these but for sure it has to do with me. Something is happening within me that is causing this strong response. I need something I am not giving or allowing myself to have.
Yes... the trigger was someone's action. But I wouldn't have such a trigger if something else wasn't happening inside me.
Sure, they could be lazy or just slacking off. That is something going on within them. I can be upset at what they are doing but without making it about me.
You see... that is the issue.
When they act in this way, I feel personally wronged. Like they should know that I have enough on my plate than to be doing what I am doing and then having to do their bit as well. This isn't true, but I think it is.
I have made it about me and what I have to do. When it should be about the work to be done.
It took a decision of not wanting to feel upset, distressed or 'bad' again to face the possibility of some of these things.
Sometimes I forget, but I am getting better at noticing. And I know I need a break. This isn't always physically possible and at that time closing my eyes for a moment will have to do. Then later I take a longer shower.
It isn't the easiest to acknowledge that it is me and not them, but I believe it gives us back some power. Because when it is us WE can do something about that. We can change the results to the ones we desire.
What do you think?
Is it you?
Do you need something that their behavior is triggering?