"You're not ready"
"You don't know what you're doing."
"Sure... fine. That may be true, but... I will try anyway."
Everyday, this conversation goes on in my head
Some days whispers
Others... screaming and shouting.
I don't want to give up.
But I do want a simpler way. And what I have found out is...
It doesn't work when I'm tired.
It doesn't work when I'm feeling stressed.
It doesn't work when I'm angry or when I feel separated from myself.
When I feel chained to fear.
It doesn't work at all.
So much screaming...
Feeling unworthy... feeling broke down... feeling less than.
But thank God it doesn't last forever.
I don't get over it, I just get beyond it.
Moving faster each time.
Distraction still comes and goes.
For sure I am not perfect and I have a lot to learn. But I am on the path. Sometimes walking, sometimes creeping. At times even staying still for a while, but I am still there.
For that I am grateful.
I am being built in the breaking. Even though I wish there was an easier way. It is not to be so.
I pray for sustenance
I pray for getting up again and again and again if necessary.
I pray for getting better and better and better.
I pray for grace
For you... for me... for us.
We WILL push through.